just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
