Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
