last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
