she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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