I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I intend to get homeless drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
