Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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