So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
