In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
