she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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