Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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