I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize