He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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