wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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