my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
