I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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