I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
