I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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