i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
