my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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