So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
