You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
