FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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