Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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