dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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