she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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