Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
