Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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