I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
