He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
