How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
