So drunk its hurt
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
