I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
