Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
