my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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