i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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