There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
