Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
