you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dicks are not precious.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
