i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
