Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
