More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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