Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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