I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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