i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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