i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
