I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
