So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
