And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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