Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize