and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
