East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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