the condom got lost in my hair
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
