vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
