office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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