wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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