My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
