I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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