dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
