Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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