i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
