I am in a vortex of obligation.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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