we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
