I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
