So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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