ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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