I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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