god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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