she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
