Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
