im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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