If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
