then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
