She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
